fuck

it's 2:15am. on a normal night i'd be in bed because i'd have to work in6 hours. i would have elaborated on the last post and said that i got laid off and i'm completly fucked but only the word "fuck" came to mind when i started to write about how i feel.
the obvious solution is unemployment. but that's the last thing i wanted to resort to at 22, almost 23. i don't want to be someone struggling and living off of unemployment checks. i want to be happy to go to work everyday doing something that makes it worth going to work.
i guess i'm just pissed that i've been through this before, same time last year and it ended up being by far, the worst two months of my life. i'd rather be cracked out and alone in the corner of my apartment on drugs having panic attacks again then go through what i went through last year.
i would feel a little better and would be a little less dramatic if the whole country wasn't so fucked right now and if it were easy to get a job right now. but that's not the case. i don't know what i'm going to do. i have too much to save for for this to be happening.
i got drunk enough last night that i didn't give a shit. i liked it better that way.