lame

i'm fucking frustrated. my unemployment money started but they haven't sent me my card to get access to it. it's a fucking tease. i've been in a shitty mood most of the time for a while now. and one of my best friends won't talk to me for a reason i'm not fucking aware of. i'm trying to get an explaination but nothing. but.. halloween week has started and that cheers me up.

ughhhgfjhdgjhfbv jbejhnv re

i hate to complain so much but i really have had better months, minus the epic birthday week that was the only time i laughed so hard and smiled so hard since things went to shit. i still don't have a job and my unemployment checks are only about a third of what i thought i'd make, hardly enough to live on. the kicker is i haven't even recieved one yet, i've only been approved. i'm trapped in my house because my last two paychecks from the spa have finally fun out so i have no gas in my car and i currently only have two cigarettes and am going on day three of not smoking. i'm on the edge of freaking the fuck out twenty four hours a day and had a mini freakout around five this morning when there was a mouse crawling around in my bed. i snapped. cried. threw my blankets across the room and also my cat, onto my bed to try and catch the little fuck. i ended up crawling into my mom's bed like i was five because i refused and still refuse to sleep in my bed now.

i need something to make me smile. like i mean it. i want to laugh til i'm crying because my face hurts. i need a change and for something good to happen. i want to stop being miserable and fighting off crying all day.

i should really stop complaining. i'm starting to feel like a pain in the ass.

nothing

i wish i knew how to write out how i'm feeling right now.

it keeps getting better

re: Birthday girl on broadway/ (providence)

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Reply to: pers-879586346@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2008-10-14, 9:14PM EDT


so, a girl covered in cake invites you upstairs to celebrate with her, and you find her attractive enough that you're posting online looking for her. and you had to go home to play video games? are you fucking kidding me? this is why women date either little emo boys who spend more time on their appearance than they do, or tribal tatted douchebags with spiked hair and orange tans, who spend more time on their appearance than they do. it's because they feel they have no other choice in this town. you're not helping. grow up, you choad. turn off your playstation (and here's where i probably REALLY hit a nerve, calling your x-box or whatever the fuck it is a playstation ), and grow the fuck up.

YESSS

Birthday girl on broadway - m4w (Providence)

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Reply to: pers-876812487@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2008-10-12, 9:49PM EDT

You were drunk and covered in cake. You told me it was your birthday and asked me to come up to your party. I had to raid Kara with my World of Warcraft guild that night, but I thought you were really pretty, and I would have loved to come to your party. Who knows that could have happened. I hope you read this.

the birthday girl this person is refering to is me. and i think the funniest part about this is that he chose playing world of warcraft over up coming to a party where there were 5 girls dancing in their underwear on a table pouring booze all over eachother for at least 2 hours. bringing guys up too and dancing all over them. HA. i always said i wanted a missed connection.

liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife

unemployment causes drinking and tattoos. it's a good way to kill some time.

panda

i want her for my birthday more than anything.


she's just a little baby. and we're two peas in a pod. she's perfect.

look up

i'm sorry.

on a better note.. i have never been so thankful for my friends.

fuck

it's 2:15am. on a normal night i'd be in bed because i'd have to work in6 hours. i would have elaborated on the last post and said that i got laid off and i'm completly fucked but only the word "fuck" came to mind when i started to write about how i feel.
the obvious solution is unemployment. but that's the last thing i wanted to resort to at 22, almost 23. i don't want to be someone struggling and living off of unemployment checks. i want to be happy to go to work everyday doing something that makes it worth going to work.
i guess i'm just pissed that i've been through this before, same time last year and it ended up being by far, the worst two months of my life. i'd rather be cracked out and alone in the corner of my apartment on drugs having panic attacks again then go through what i went through last year.
i would feel a little better and would be a little less dramatic if the whole country wasn't so fucked right now and if it were easy to get a job right now. but that's not the case. i don't know what i'm going to do. i have too much to save for for this to be happening.
i got drunk enough last night that i didn't give a shit. i liked it better that way.